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| Artwork by Basita Shah |
by Siyah
Kalb
I
Snow fell on
the streets of Srinagar in September, the season that Naayim was born. Snow is
nature’s curfew—a safer one. Everyone stays home. Warm. No shops are open. No
traffic moves. No bullets are fired. No bodies fall.
Maimoona’s
water broke with the break of dawn. Hamid knew they were in a pickle. He went
to see if Shabir could take them to the hospital in his auto-rickshaw. Shabir
made him realize there was a foot of snow, and there was no way it would be
shovelled off the streets any time soon.
The LD
Hospital was three checkpoints and a bridge away.
Maimoona
stepped into the snow and let an esshhh
out, which sounded like cold droplets
sprinkled on burning coal.
Hamid was a
foot-and-a-half taller than her. He put his left hand on her back and the right
one on her right shoulder. To keep her from slipping or falling, he had to bend
and hold her like the Qausain once
held the Kaaba.
I was taking
a nap just outside their gate under a shop front. When I heard the door crack
open, I woke up. As I was doing nothing important, I decided to tag along; I
love walking on snow, probably as much as camels love walking on sand.
After going
through three checkpoints—with the army stopping them at each Bunker to check
their identity cards and see if they were really
Kashmiris — and crossing a bridge over the mighty Jhelum, they were finally at
their destination. Freezing, but safe.
I saw Nishat
and Harud outside the OPD. As the couple went inside the hospital, I decided to
check up on my friends. Last night, there had been an encounter in their area,
and the army had “accidentally” destroyed their home. With no other option
left, they decided to take shelter at the generator shed behind the same
hospital building where Maimoona delivered her newborn.
An hour or
so had passed when Hamid finally walked outside the hospital building. His
relieved expression and the smile brimming across his face told me everything
had gone well in the maternity ward. He crossed the road and went inside the
telephone booth, where he made a few phone calls to his relatives to give them
the happy news.
Because of
the snow, none of the relatives, friends, and neighbours visited them that day.
The next day
the sun shone as if it were already mid-March. The snow started to melt, and
the usual traffic began to move. The relatives came to visit with happy faces
and eggs, milk, and baby clothes.
II
Naayim grew
up to be a docile and lovable boy. With his father’s blonde looks and mother’s
beauty and kindness, he became one of the most cherished kids within the
community. Soon, Naayim began to walk and was old enough to go outside on his
own to buy candy and other items from the local shops. He was a little afraid
of me. His mother would then accompany him and encourage him to give me the
leftovers. Soon after that, he would come out alone after dinner to feed me.
He loved
football. The kids often pooled pennies together to buy a communal ball to
replace the old one, once it was lost or worn out beyond repair. Periods of
ceasefire were always an opportune time to start a quick game and release some
of the pent-up childhood energy after long hours of hiding behind closed doors.
Growing up during the war, protests and political instability did not stop them
from playing. For those few moments during the game, they were able to put
aside the violent world of death, devastation, and tragedy revolving around
them to enjoy running freely after a ball.
He looked
adorable in his school uniform. His chubby cheeks and brown eyes would give him
a unique look in his green sweater. Every morning before sending him to school,
Maimoona would recite Chaar Qul and
blow over him to protect him from the evil eye.
The only
concern they had for Naayim was that he slept a lot, quite often and quite
quickly. “Sometimes I think he loves his mattress more than he loves me,”
Maimoona had once complained to Hamid, who would smile away, amused at the
tenderness behind such words.
Too much tenderness
might ruin and spoil a child , Hamid felt at times. But Maimoona knew that this freshness, this
light-heartedness, and the need for love and strength of faith in our childhood
do not return once we grow up. She knew Naayim’s innocent joy and the endless
desire for love were essential. Tenderness filled Maimoona’s life at this stage
of her life, and she did everything in her power to make it available for him.
Once, Naayim
had his head in Maimoona’s lap. They were watching the night sky on the Zoon-Deb. He asked what to make of the
stars. Before she could prove that stars were our source for looking into
different pasts, he was snoring his way into sombre dreams.
There was an
agreement of experience between Hamid and Maimoona in raising children to
support each other in ways both practical and tender. And there was, between them,
the sum of the years and the small familiarities; the trembling sound of each
other’s breathing when a child was unwell; the ailments, the sorrows, and
cares, unexpected and unbidden. And all this, as if, were somehow more
obligatory, more important, and more irrefutable than one’s own life.
They took
him to a doctor. He said this was normal. Maimoona also took him to a Peer
Baba, who advised her to change his name. Hamid was reluctant. It was not like
they called him Naayim all the time. His mother called him Jaana, Zoova, Jigra, Sooba, and
Lala, and his father stuck with Sahab.
Katsa oos Sahab? Sahab kya karaan?
Sahban khyova Batte?
Soon, they
got used to it.
III
In Kashmir,
life changes in an instant. All the happiness gathered is swept away like it’s
nothing. The world is
never tender with significance here. Amongst the death and destruction, the share of joy
eventually comes to an end. That’s
life for the Kashmiris.
The day was
cold as evil. Two months after Naayim had turned fourteen, an encounter took
place a few alleys away from their home. One among the Mujahideen jumped over
the rooftops and landed in their attic. He was injured in his right arm and
could not hold his weapon correctly. Like almost every other family, Hamid saw
it as his obligation to protect him and hide him. Maimoona tended to the wounds
of the Mujahid and cleaned his blood from the floor.
The army
started a search and cordon operation after the encounter. The crackdown was
put into place. The joint operation of the Indian Army, JK Police, and the SOG
was in motion. They entered a local Masjid with guns and their boots still on,
grabbed the Muezzin by his neck, and
told him to make the announcement. Within minutes, all male members of the
locality were forced to be present in the courtyard of a local school.
The army,
with the unwavering support of the local police, went house to house to search
for the wounded Mujahid. They wreaked havoc in every home they entered.
Hamid and
Maimoona hid the Mujahid in the Byear
Kyeni behind piles of their extra bistar.
Hamid looked
for Naayim but could not find him. Maimoona urged Hamid to leave before the
army barged in and became suspicious.
Hamid left.
Maimoona
went upstairs to look for Naayim.
But it was
too late.
The army
heard Maimoona calling for Naayim. They grabbed her and punched and kicked her
all over. They kept asking her where she had hidden the rebel. She cried,
implored, and shouted at them to no avail.
Some of the
army men went ahead to search in the attic. They felt some movement behind the bistar and opened fire without any
warning. The red blood seeped through the white sheets.
Two bodies
were found there.
Naayim
received fourteen bullets. One for each year he had survived.
The army
took the body of the Mujahid and dragged it all over the market square.
The army
chief told the in-charge of the JK Police to take care of the kid’s body and
his family. Four Kashmiri police officers—with Kashmiri names embroidered on
their chests, who spoke the Kashmiri language as any other Kashmiri—beat
Maimoona and made sure to kick her stomach so hard and so much that she would
never conceive again.
Hamid was
arrested, tortured, and sent to prison.
Naayim’s
body was lying in a pool of blood until some neighbours gathered courage and went
inside. They wrapped the adolescent in one of the mattresses and brought him
downstairs.
They put the
body in the courtyard. The fragrance of his blood was so enchanting that I
could not resist. Afraid to be kicked away, I carefully went near the mattress
in which he was wrapped and saw angels descend to take his soul away. I could
never forget that fragrance.
A few hours
later, there were protests and processions. Naayim’s body was taken to the
Martyr’s Graveyard.
Hum kya chahte? Azadi!
Zara zor se bolo – Azadi!
Hai haq hamara – Azadi!
Hum cheen ke lenge – Azadi!
Khushboo waali – Azadi!
Hai jaan se pyari – Azadi!
Aye Moula dede – Azadi!
Shodah ke sadkey – Azadi!
Mere kafan pe likhna – Azadi!
Aayee, Aayee – Azadi!
Naayim tere khoon se – Inquilaab
aayega!
Ponde Police – Haay, haay!
Indian dogs go back! Go back, go
back!
IV
Maimoona
remained in the hospital for months. Upon discharge, she chose to stay in her
own house even when her parents begged her to stay with them.
Every night,
while wandering like a lost ghost in Naayim’s room, she would keep whispering
things to the void. She was trying to preserve some kind
of life there, even though she knew the void had no chance of
enduring without hope as its body. She would still feed it, keep it
comfortable, care for it, medicate it, caress it, and even sing to it:
Madano pardeh royas tul
be lagay’e dard’hetay gul
t’che mo’laag bewafa bilkul
be lagay’e dard’hetay gul
madano pardeh royas tul
She would
tend to these basic meanings, to these essential acts, so that she could
sustain the memory until time sublimated
it . Every night, a time came for her to live amongst ghosts. The void opened
out as nothing but a vast emptiness. She kept the conversation going:
Do you know, Jaana, Saleem Kak was
buried alive in his home? Does he tell you stories in Jannat now? Your
friend Wamiq was shot in the head today at Boulevard. I hope you won’t be too
lonely anymore… The children deserve their moment of remembrance, don’t they?
At Fajr, I would see her leave for the
Masjid with a candle in her hand. When
all hope has vanished, the prayer has the dominion.
Maimoona
occasionally visited Srinagar Central Jail, where Hamid was indefinitely
lodged. There came a point when she saw his lifeless state and that there was
no longer any difference between her husband and
the chair he was sitting on. And after that, she would visit him but see a
chunk of flesh wearing the face of a man who once was her husband. And after
that, when there was nothing left of Hamid that she knew, she waited for his
death like a branch that cracks away in the harsh wind or like a jacket that
slips off a hanger and falls to the floor.
They had
taken her son away in a single swipe. And they took her husband, slowly, like
one part of his soul at a time, till there was no Hamid left for Maimoona to
call her own.
IV
Pain is a place none of us know until we reach there. After Naayim’s funeral, Maimoona never ceased to grieve. One
of the biggest problems Kashmiris have, is that they move on. It doesn’t matter
who is killed, how many massacres take place, how many villages are raped –
they move on. Moving on, as a concept, is for stupid people because any
sensible being knows this kind of grief is eternal.
[We don’t move on. When you hear us
howling in the dead of the night, every night, who do you think we mourn? We
don’t forget. Not only us, but every other species also mourns, and we don’t
have it in us to carry on living in the occupation. That is the life of
disgrace. We don’t want to obey their laws. We don’t want to go through utter humiliation every
time we go out to buy some milk. We are made for liberty, for freedom.]
Maimoona
refused to move on. The pain that was thrust upon her, she didn’t let anyone
fix it. The only time she was seen smiling after the incident was when she was
found dead. She was always in grief. That fate was inherited, like the colour of one’s eyes. The
tears fell into an endless well within her, and the colour of her eyes
eventually turned white. She told one of her relatives to bury her in the
mattress she used to sleep on.
When her Jinazah was about to be
prayed for, I was shaken. I smelled the same fragrance coming from the mattress
she was shrouded in that I had smelled from Naayim’s blood. Does a mother miss her child more
than she can remember? How empty is the world when you lose a loved one? A
single person is snatched from you, and the whole world becomes hollow.
When someone you love is brutally killed, you don't lose them all at once; you
lose them in bits and pieces over a long time— and their scent fades away
slowly. And when the last bit of Naayim’s scent was about to vanish from her
world, Maimoona died.
Translated from the Dog-language by Muhammad Nadeem.
bio:
Muhammad Nadeem is a reader and writes about what he reads. Among his writings are reviews, poetry, and short stories. His poems have been translated into Arabic and Urdu and included in different anthologies. He works with translation and criticism and has previously been published in Hikayaat (New York), Prachya Review-Journal, Cafe Dissensus Magazine, KashmirLit Journal, Oracle Opinions, Greater Kashmir, Free Press Kashmir, Kashmir Reader, Kashmir Life, Kashmir Pen, Kashmir Vision among other reputed literary newspapers, magazines and journals. His reading interests are diverse and he has reviewed hundreds of books for literary magazines. He has been the Managing Editor of Captured Illusions Magazine and currently edits Fiction and Poetry Section at Monthly Print and Online Magazine: Mountain Ink (www.mountain-ink.com). He is also the author of I Flow like Blood and Memory (poetry collection).
